Location: Between My Ears / Forecast: Rain Clouds and Fear
For the first time in years, I'm going on location to work. It's brief, only two weeks. I plan to stay on and see some of my relatives over the Christmas Holiday.
During my marriage, going on location was an ordeal that invariably created bad feelings. Michele didn't like my going and was not shy about letting me know. In my co-dependency, I'd take responsibility for her ill feelings and be miserable. On top of that, I would become engaged in "future mind" regarding the job and get anxious starting a week or so before departure. It got so that leaving was a huge relief, though I would feel great pain about leaving the kids.
So, this time around, I've succeeded in bringing that chaotic state of mind into the now, because I'm in a relationship with someone. And I tread with fear when broaching the subject with her of work and staying through Christmas. My fear apparently confused my girlfriend; she got anxious and fearful. I then took responsibility for her anxiety and fear and was miserable.
Meanwhile, I catch myself conjuring some hazy notion of what the job and location will be like. This only makes me anxious.
The fact that I can observe all this nonsense from a detached place is the good news, I guess.
During my marriage, going on location was an ordeal that invariably created bad feelings. Michele didn't like my going and was not shy about letting me know. In my co-dependency, I'd take responsibility for her ill feelings and be miserable. On top of that, I would become engaged in "future mind" regarding the job and get anxious starting a week or so before departure. It got so that leaving was a huge relief, though I would feel great pain about leaving the kids.
So, this time around, I've succeeded in bringing that chaotic state of mind into the now, because I'm in a relationship with someone. And I tread with fear when broaching the subject with her of work and staying through Christmas. My fear apparently confused my girlfriend; she got anxious and fearful. I then took responsibility for her anxiety and fear and was miserable.
Meanwhile, I catch myself conjuring some hazy notion of what the job and location will be like. This only makes me anxious.
The fact that I can observe all this nonsense from a detached place is the good news, I guess.
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