babinscreams

Thanks, Jenn, Yes, this is a story about Doug . Recognizing, honoring, loving ourselves then sharing our unique, divine, creative expressions: this was (and still is) Doug's message. Since his passing, I've worked at this every day, made great strides and felt his encouragement, even excitement throughout. There comes amazing bliss when we recognize the self-created chatter clouding our consciousness. Doug's job was to point out the chatter, the "shoulds and shouldn'ts", the uninvestigated beliefs, the myriad ways our true nature and authentic selves are challenged to be fully present every waking moment. Toward the end, in one of those "what's it all about" conversations Doug said the ultimate state of being, the brass ring of a life well-lived was LOVE. He knew the first and most challenging phase to getting there was loving yourself. This was a huge struggle for Doug. We all saw the evidence of his personal struggle and ultimate failure to lo

Paul, you deserve to have this relationship. You deserve to be loved for all that you are. You deserve to have all the goodness that the universe is revealing. No one can ever criticize or take away your intrinsic gifts because they are an aspect of god and no human is capable. All your gifts can now be released to the world, because you recognize their value as god-given. All your creative and loving energy can now flow completely, because there is no “you” of substance to resist. When you experience resistance, you can acknowledge that "story" that was; give thanks to that aspect of “you”. It has served its purpose in bringing you to this moment. Then tell it, “It’s time to let go, retire, and enjoy the garden that is blooming.” When you feel the resistance in your throat, while singing, stop, breathe; give thanks to that part of you that has for so long taken care of business by triggering the muscles in your body to clench, and let it go into the garden.

I was roused from sleep the other night by the sound of a door latch. Stumbling into the living room, I looked around; all seemed normal, though my much-loved Society Of Camera Operators trophy had been moved one foot left on its perch atop the piano. I concluded I'd left it there after dusting. The following night, the same sound, and I was up in time to see my SOC trophy spinning slightly and wobbling into place - now a good two feet left of where I'd placed it the night before! Someone or something was disturbing my sacred doorstop,and I was determined to get to the bottom of it. So, the following night, I went throught the usual routine of turning off lights, but rather than retire, I staked out a hiding place to keep an eye on the sacred boat anchor. Lo and behold at around 12:30 am the golden lady with my name on it did a quick look and shot out the door faster than an operator at wrap. I had little choice but to follow her. She headed due south on the 405, exited at

The duality of “I” The manifest horror Within me  Proves ephemeral When empowered  By unconditional love Remembering we are one Resurrected From the ashes Of sacred gratitude.

Equinox Sunrise 2012 This morning, I satisfied a nerdy metaphysical side of my consciousness by getting up before dawn, so that I could mark the exact angle or azmith of the sunrise on this spring equinox. Civilizations throughout history have built structures that aligned with the sun's position at critical times during the year. Making something that visually marks the seasonal passage of time has been on my to-do list for awhile.  The day before,  I constructed a flat disk with a center peg, welded and cemented it into my garden.  When the sun peaked the horizon this morning, the peg cast a shadow. Where the shadow crossed the lip of the disk, I cla mped another small verticle peg for welding later. Having done this, I looked up and saw that these first rays of sunlight were also pouring right down the center of the arbored path, and at the end of it, the Yin Yang gate was ablaze in sunlight!  I had originally intended to make a rose design on that gate, since it i

Within me In this moment of seeming darkness Two forces exist: The first is analog Trapped within a faulty resistor A once beautiful sine wave Reduced to fear and noise. Echoing into perpetuity Each repetition, a copy of a copy of the last Which was a copy Corrupt and distorted, Hooking my attention Without mercy In the midst of this chorus of gloom That has convinced me all is lost An old friend Patiently awaits my attention She permeates the ocean of my being And beyond A digital construct Ones and zeros Alpha and omega Assembling and parting At the speed of light Rejoining in fearless combinations Each partnering unique, responsive In love with change In love with me A gentle cancellation of The noise The foundation of possibility this day And always In this moment of seeming darkness I let go and turn to her She is everywhere A cascade of healing waters That extinguish whimpering fear And allow me to be F

Choosing an "intention" is a technique that's employed in acting, starting one's day, and (I learned yesterday) singing. In all three instances it is a way of giving your mind a task, something to distract it, so it can't clutter up the partnership between your body and the sources of creation.

The instant I become judgmental  my awareness wilts.  I become a shallow, self-righteous and predictable consumer,  void of creation,  one of the faceless flock,  blithely skipping into the abyss.    

Kathryn, I'm so impressed by your new set of drawings. You've made tremendous progress. There is a quality of observation that you didn't possess one year ago. Whatever you're doing continue to do it. It's been a challenging week for me. On Tuesday the Dr. looked at my fingers and for the first time mentioned the possibility of having to amputate the middle finger at the knuckle. The skin on the pad is quite black, and it's hard to tell if regrowth is occurring underneath. If that skin does not regenerate, the next alternative would be to attempt a kind of skin graft where they cut a flap from an adjoining finger and try to get it to grow. This would apparently disable the finger that the flap is from, so simply lopping off the top of the middle finger may be the most sensible thing to do. So my ability to embrace acceptance is being challenged. When bad things happen nowadays I instantly begin to look for the lesson contained within. I'm con

Society of Camera Operators’  Lifetime Achievement Award  Acceptance Speech  February 19, 2012 So, last night I have this horrible nightmare. I dreamed I died. I'm standing at the gates of heaven. God is there, really tall dude. Next to him is St. Peter. God says to me, “Before we let you in, one question:  your life – how was it?” And I said, “Really good, about 95% there". And God doesn't say anything; he's just standing there looking at me. So, I guess he wants more. I say, "There’s a beat in my 20’s I was out of focus, 30 and 40’s I could have given you a little more look space on the left side of the frame, the 50’s pan to reveal was fucking awesome, nailed that, but there were a couple of relationship moves I definitely could finesse if we go again. Give me another shot at it, you’ll get perfection.” God motions for me to stay there, grabs St. Peter, takes him off into a corner, but it's like he’s wired you know: I can still hear him. He s