babinscreams

Dad, January 25, the anniversary of your death six years ago came and went without conscious recognition this year. I was working that day, enjoying the afterglow of an extraordinary weekend. I can imagine your being fine with that. You were never one to stand on formality. Also, letting go of you is something that I must continue to do. I still carry too much of your stuff, both literally and emotionally. This past year has brought a new house, my son as room mate, the death of my first wife, the reckless conclusion of a relationship with a good woman, a new round of confronting personal defects and spiritual growth. My gratitude for all I have, starting with my life, goes out to you and Mom - thanks. Part of my journey, my therapy, is about "re-parenting" myself. In this process, I have conversations, out loud into a tape recorder - my phone actually. It's not easy creating this new paradigm of inner bonding between the "child" in me and the "adult...

Without Beginning or End Beach chatter thinking Crashed to a close When a pair of gulls, Mates, I was sure Began to dance. Soon, every being In sight Fell into step. And my heart went whoosh. I inhaled Caressing her flesh Breathing the sighs of color And saturated moans And I thanked you god For weaving my attention Into the fabric Of divine beauty Hers Mine Yours Then teaching me It is Ours Now Without beginning or end. Her lips Took mine. I could taste The nucleus of fire Descending into blue Hot moist breakers Of Mauve Carnal thunder Rich and wet Calling me in Turning me out And in shallows Amber and pink A goddess-child danced A dance Free of time Free Now Without beginning or end             - Paul Babin